It’s been how many weeks of this ‘dry spell’? I heard you telling Father this is the longest you’ve ever had. I know you feel dry, well, you are actually dry. I also know you wish this will be the last dry spell ever. I wish so too.
But I also know beloved, that you have not been frequenting the river. Sometimes, you go, but you only do so much as staying on the bank. You spend your time watching others drink. You’ve even led some to the river recently. But you have refused to move your hand, to scoop even the smallest and have a drink. It’s like your hands are too heavy to move. There seems to be a load of invisible weight on them. You know you need water, but you can’t fetch. And so, you have left the bank now. Of course, you are still in the area, but what good has that done to your thirsty soul?
Go back to the river. Break free from those bonds. This time, don’t fetch the water, you do not need to get a cup or a bucket. Beloved, dive right in; you don’t have to worry about drowning. As a matter of fact, it is best if you don’t know how to swim! Let the waters overwhelm you, fill your lungs and saturate your body. Let the waters carry you wherever it wishes.
Please, don’t fight it again. The process of drowning will be painful, the water filling your lungs, uncomfortable. You literally feel life going out of you, the water choking you to (what you think is) death. And in time past, it was at this point that you started fighting for ‘your life’. So you made it to the bank, coughed out the remnant from your lungs and sat on the shore. The sun of life came out, beat you constantly, and you began to feel dry.
This time, all you gotta do is close your eyes in surrender and let the river carry you into sweet oblivion. The world before the river which you thought was real would pale in comparison to the world around you when you finally open your eyes. You come alive in the spirit, the real world! Life outside the river was only a shadow. Then you realise that the life you thought was yours, which you were fighting for was never yours, thus explaining why the struggle cycle seemed hard and tiring. You were trying to save it, but all you did was expose it to corruption.
So beloved, go back to the Father. The strain is telling on everything, really. I never doubt that you love him, but you often forget that He is either Lord of all or none at all. Go to the river, and drown. This time, do it, once and for all.
Yours in faith, Sinuola.