Dear Brother Do-good,
I heard Sis Carol caused a scene in church last week, that an argument ensued between you two while you were having what started out as a private discussion. Even the pastor could not get her to contain her outburst in time. And so, when she eventually got a hold of herself and proceeded to the pastor’s office with you, a few onlookers already had an idea of what the bone of contention was. One of them reached out to me.
You see, I heard that Carol got wind of your upcoming traditional marriage ceremony. From her display, it would be safe to say she did not take it well. And for some days now, she has been raining down ‘fire and brimstone-like’ prayers on an unknown betrayer and every time-wasting evil doer in her life on her Facebook and Whatsapp status. Almost like a revival out there on her TL.
But last of all, just today, I heard she has been rushed home for treatment after her roommates began to notice that her health- physical and psychological was beginning to fail.
Dear brother, her predicament is the subject of almost every discussion in school.
“Haba, she’s taking this thing too far.”
“Is she the first to suffer disappointment in a relationship?”
“Why won’t she move on?”
Truth be said, some of these statements are in order, and may be directed at her so can get a grip of herself. However, I have a question for you. “What was your role in all these?”
Now please don’t give me that look. Majority of people around with observing eyes had the impression that both of you were in a serious relationship. I mean, you had to be. How come you’re getting married to a sister we don’t even know? Where did she appear from sir?
Before you hit me with “I have the right to choose my future partner without pressure”, let me ask, do you also have the right to give innocent or should I say unsuspecting and naive sisters false hope only to dash them in the most cruel manner? Do you?
Do you have the right to call her “my dear, my darling” everyday, show her preferential treatment in public, show concern and care more than you do to other mutual friends, not to mention your calling every time without stopping to ask yourself ‘what am I doing?’
And the thing is,you cannot claim total ignorance of the moment you became the center of her universe. You cannot be so emotionally insensitive not to notice how her eyes light up at your presence, or how her sad countenance and mood changes at your voice, or how she obviously goes out of her way to be with you or make you happy.
You invaded her space and became a constant face in her affairs. You call to enquire if she had dinner, how her day went and also take out time to feed her spirit man. You are always at her service to expound and expatiate every bible study topic discussed in church. Personal Bible Study Secretary!!!
Who knows whether you were majorly (or jointly with others) instrumental to her becoming a christian or a more dedicated one. If yes, then you introduced her into the faith and then bombarded her heart with confusing emotion. Yes that is what you did. And you may be guilty of emotional manipulation whether deliberate or accidental.
Just in case some of my dear brothers reading are still in the dark as to where I’m headed with this piece, I’ll spell it out for you: You also have a duty to draw the line sir!!!
MOG sir, no one is saying your actions are bad or sinful but please watch your action lest they cause others to stumble. I believe that as a leader, you can have the respect and love of the people (read sisters) under you without being overly affectionate. It is all in the way you comport and carry yourself.
Every sister is not your ‘dear’ or ‘darling’ sir.
In your relationship with that sister, you know within yourself when the relationship is veering off the platonic path. Why feign ignorance and encourage it? Why let her build the castles in the air hoping she’d just get up and move on once it crashes to the ground?
I do not believe it is befitting for a kingdom brother to have against him a number of sisters (too many to be excused as coincidence) being led on and subsequently heartbroken by unnecessary show of affection, undue attention and all the emotional baggage that come with it. You can be an example of Jesus and still go about showing care with wisdom and discretion.
There are some lines that should be maintained for sanity even in the church and a level of decorum that should be observed amidst our joking together as brethren of the opposite sex.
So, learn to draw the line. It would do you and your reputation as a christian some good too. You’d have no situationship wahala, and you’d even be able to discern from a distance, wolves in sheepskin sent to cause you to make a mess of your faith.
Grace to you,
Sinuola.
P.S: If you haven’t read my letter to the ladies on situationships,click here.
8 Comments
Sisters: You’re not in a relationship until he explicitly says so. No ma, that he implied it or you thought he implied it is not enough! He has to ask and you have to affirm. Therefore do not lose your head and therefore your heart until there’s a solid/valid reason to do so. Guard your heart with all diligence, remember? Finally, always have the self respect, dignity or womanly pride to walk away when lines become blurry.
Brothers: Either you’re overtly affectionate or not, either you call them all sister or dear or not, those who will have feelings for you will have, those who will not, will not. Remember though, the vision and fire! Remember the focus and mission! And always remember, to consistently watch out not to hurt those you’re blood-mates with.
Finally, self-integrity and honesty should be the guide. And always, constantly and consistently, define your relationships! It saves a lot of heartache.
Sinuola, ku’se, well done.
Self-integrity and honesty should indeed be the guide.
Thank you for this, Wande.
Sinuola, Thanks for this reminder. It’s timely. I have similar thoughts with Wande Mark.
Well done.
God bless
Thanks for reading too Emmanuel.
Hmmm, in the beginning it wasn’t so. Relationships ought to be defined. That’s when the hearts can be truly guarded with principles which have their roots in God’s Word.
The heart that is guarded cannot be trampled upon carelessly.
Thanks Sis Sinu, both parties have to take heed to the Word! 😃
The heart that is guarded will not be easily trampled upon. True words, sir!
Thank you.
Sinuola took this table and broke it😂
This is a very enlightening piece 👌
More grace dear
This is a great eye-opener. I was talking with a colleague earlier this week about campus based love-life. He argued here and forth about the fact that most people involved are not really serious about it. I have heard stories of people getting involved together and they end up marrying each other, and I have also heard stories where reverse is the case. Well, I pray that the Lord enlighten our eyes and help us know what His perfect plan and purpose as regards our marital is all about. May we never miss it.
Well done Sis
More grace indeed!