“Hi dear one. Trust you had a great time in church today? Mine was pleasant, but for the fact that I didn’t see a particular someone today (winks). Just kidding, my regards to the family.”

So, dear sis it begins. You’re touched because even the Follow-up Secretary did not notice your absence. If not for the fact that you told your friends that you were going over to your aunt’s place for the weekend, they might not have not noticed either.
You send a reply, polite and thankful. Then the meetings in church especially the mid-week services become frequent. The conversations hover around the bible study topic, further explanations on same and how your day went as he walks you to the road before you finally part ways.
Some other time, he sends a wonderful bible text and quotes it: “I just thought to share this with you. Do keep this in mind today and always”. And because the message is from someone you so respect and admire, the verse(s) seem to jump right at you with new meaning and revelation. You don’t seem to notice this though, and why should you, after all, God’s word is new every morning.

And so dear sis, it continues. Physical meetings, phone calls, ‘into-the-night’ chats and of course, the personal devotion supply. He seems to always find the time to expatiate on the word given in church or at other times, find a new topic to conduct exegesis on.

In all of these, nothing inappropriate has passed between you too. None of your meetings and chats suggest anything out of the ordinary, except we want to consider the numerous endearments and how he never seems to run out of them. But then, that doesn’t really mean anything. “That is how many brothers address their dear sisters in Christ”, so they say. And so you agree, obviously, such that when your friend jokingly asks so what’s up with Bro X?, you stare at her, clueless as to what could have led to such a question.

But you see, I am concerned about you. You are my dear sister after all. I am concerned about the state of your heart in all these. And I need to ask you just how long do you intend to let this friendship go on undefined, because you, (upon a real and honest soul searching) and I know that your heart is not in the way it was a couple of months ago. Yes, it wasn’t what you had in mind at all. It is possible Bro X’s mind is as pure and honourable as can be towards you. And that is where the problem lies.

He has become your confidant and newly found spiritual “mentor”. You are sharing really deep visions and dreams together every now and then. And you have not stopped to ask:

1. Yourself – “what is going on with me? Is all still in order?”

2. God- “Father, is this the one or do we await another?”

3. Brother X- “I celebrate you and appreciate your brotherly love. But to what end is all these?” (For those who like me would rather avoid confrontation, scratch number 3 and simply stay away, or in today’s parlance, ‘ghost’ on him. It works, trust me).

I know you might disagree with my method and even think Haba! It’s not that deep now. But you see, this heart is not made up of stone ma. If you refuse and stay in that idea of relationship I call Situationship, you’ll carry on with Bro X calling you my darling, sweet, angel and other endearments as much as the ‘love of Christ’ can accommodate. And somewhere in your subconscious (if you’re still living in denial that is), you have begun to entertain some sort of hope. That maybe something good will come out of this. That maybe he is the one, I mean he cares too much for this not to be real. Probably he is still praying about it and needs to be sure.

Of course, all these wouldn’t mean much if Bro X had plans of going into a relationship (eventually leading to marriage that is) with you, seeing as these are good ways of developing friendship in Christian courtship.

But soon, you discover that things are not the way they appeared and find yourself nursing a heartbreak not knowing how or when you gave your heart out in the first place. To make matters worse, you find out that Bro X is just as friendly with some of his other sisters in the lord. And you are even surprised at the hurt (and anger towards Bro X) you feel because, giving your heart was not part of the plan.

But it happened, because you let it when you didn’t pause to evaluate the situation before things got complicated. And because you didn’t consult the one who sees beyond the present. You didn’t even seek godly counsel from trusted folks to address the matter objectively.

*Inserts deep sigh*

Dearest sister, what’s done is done. I can only ask that God gives you strength and helps you heal from your hurt. I also beseech you to stay sharp and be at alert, fully sensitive in the spirit. Your heart should not be a table tennis egg tossed to and fro by guys (intentionally or not). And I thank God on your behalf that the enemy didn’t take advantage of your situation and lead you into sexual sin. More reason why you should guard your heart and not allow the devil to wear out your defenses and strike when you are most vulnerable. So I say again, stay sharp.

You are all you’ve got, you cannot afford to compromise yourself.

It was my intention to keep this short and simple. But it’s all good. Anything for my dear sister. I should also find time and write to my brothers too, don’t you think?

All my love,

Sinuola.